What is Emotional Intelligence?
In the last 10-20 years there has been a massive flood of neurobiological data on the emotional architecture of the brain. These revolutionary studies have made strides in helping us to understand how it is not just general intelligence that breeds success, but an intelligence surrounding the awareness and regulation of our emotions.
Daniel Goleman was one of the first to pioneer this concept of emotional intelligence and it has taken boardrooms, classrooms and the practice of psychology by storm. In his book, he defines emotional intelligence as the ability to recognise and control our emotions and the emotions of others. And he talks about not only how it can actually improve our general intelligence, physical health and quality of life but that there is also a moral imperative for us to teach EQ to our children and colleagues alike.
Let the numbers speak for themselves
A study in New Zealand done over 30 years found that emotional intelligence was a better predictor of cognitive and attention control than both IQ and socioeconomic status. In the US, a program teaching emotional learning over 20 years showed that students’ grades went up by 11% on average. In addition, 90% of the world’s top CEOs have EQ scores over 130 (that’s Einstein level if we think in IQ terms). Teaching EQ was even shown to increase the chances of recovery from breast cancer. Clearly, there is something to this whole tapping into your emotions thing.
The Neuroscience
So how is this manifested by the brain? Emotional networks are all over the place in the brain and to say it is complicated is an understatement. Don’t be led down the trap of thinking there is one emotion area and one thinking area- the two aspects of our psyche do in fact work in tandem.
One way we can see this is by looking at patients who have had damage in the right ventromedial prefrontal cortex. It is thought that this area participates in feelings. These feelings are defined as what we experience when we consciously or cognitively process our emotions. Patients with damage to this area found it virtually impossible to make decisions. As a result, they engage in impulsive and often socially-incongruent activity, eventually losing their jobs, homes and relationships. Amazingly though, their intellect and ability to problem-solve is completely intact- it’s just when moments requiring decisions present themselves, they always chose the wrong option because they had no felt sense of what to do. It’s like they have a kind of emotional amnesia.
Therefore we can see how emotions are necessary to point us in the proper direction, where the intellect can then be made of best use. Like with IQ, some are just gifted with high EQ, but lucky for us the prefrontal cortex is one of the most malleable of all areas! So we can actually improve on our EQ!
5 Components of Emotional Intelligence
1. Self-Awareness
Most of the time, our emotions and bias are hidden. One famous study showed that US judges were more likely to give a slightly less strict sentence directly after a meal than before, presumably because the meal had made them a little happier. Once the judges were made aware of this bias however, they were able to circumvent it.
Just like in this example, self-awareness is important for enabling us to know when our emotions are making us do or say things that we don’t want. It requires a lot of attention though, because an emotion or gut feeling will always arrive on scene before you are aware of it. Every time we catch that emotion, we become better at noticing it again the next time around and we can then evaluate it and try to control it better. Make sure that you can specifically label the emotion you are feeling and have a diverse range of vocabulary for this.
It’s also important to be active in achieving your goals by knowing what your intention is with any given project or decision- this means knowing your values and virtues. It could be that you want to pursue honesty, or justice, or maybe innovation.
2. Managing Emotions
Most of us could benefit from having more effective strategies for regulating our emotions. We always seem to be more familiar with negative ones such as negative self-talk or rumination. But how about positive self-talk, identifying positive triggers like doing yoga or going for a walk, how about using visualisations or cognitive reappraisal? Learning these strategies can’t really be done by just reading, you need to practice them repeatedly.
It’s also important to know that emotional intelligence is not always about avoiding your emotions. We have evolved to have negative emotions for a reason- when we lose a loved one, it is important that we go through the grieving process rather than bottle it up. When we get stressed, this is our body telling us that there is a threat to our being and we need to make changes. Anxiety can help us to fight injustice and debate. Low energy states can be conducive to making people feel relaxed and build consensus.
So you see, this is the essence of emotional intelligence. It’s identifying the emotions you feel and using them to your advantage.
3. Motivation
Even when we know what we want and feel inspired to do it, maintaining motivation when we have worked for long hours, days or even years still waiting on a reward, can become increasingly difficult.
Dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain, is well known for its role in motivation. So when we receive a reward for the first time, dopamine is released and then we learn to associate that reward with whatever action we just performed. This then motivates us to repeat that action. However, if we repeat this action and keep receiving the same reward, we stop releasing dopamine and then we are no longer motivated. So, a key aspect of becoming motivated is to seek out new and novel things.
However, life requires a lot of hard work and we can’t always expect new rewards. As Thomas Edison said, “success is 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration”. But we all know how the longer it takes to do something, the less we want to do it. Enter the anterior cingulate cortex. A key role of this part of the brain, paired with the prefrontal cortex, is to override that feeling, so we engage in effortful decision making, even when a goal is far in the future. A few ways we do this is by suppressing impulses, selecting actions we know we can realistically do and making specific plans.
4. Empathy
The last three components would largely go to waste if we were not able to match them up with our social surroundings. Because humans are first and foremost social animals, with a need to belong. This is where empathy comes in. Empathy is our ability to recognise and understand the emotions and thoughts of other people in our social groups.
We’ve all known someone who is socially inappropriate. Often this is due to them having low levels of empathy, in which they are unable to mirror other people’s physiological states or thoughts, and they end up not knowing how to respond. While most of us are born with some skill in this area, it can also be developed as we age, especially in childhood. To develop it, we should practice recognising emotions in facial expressions, tone of voice, body language and eye movements, and practice how to react when someone is in harm’s way.
We can see how this skill can be used effectively in the work place and when making new relationships. A cohesive team is defined by its ability to understand one another’s intentions in order to make them align. A successful product or idea is so because the inventor was able to understand the desires and needs of their customers. A close friend is embodied by being someone you can trust to understand you when you feel upset and want to help. Empathy is instrumental in all our interactions.
5. Handling Relationships
To handle relationships effectively, you first of all need empathy but then, you also need calm and patience. Never try to resolve an issue in the throes of anger or anxiety. Find a space to relax so you are at a base enough level to be able to engage in empathy. Once you recognise the other person’s emotions are as valuable as your own, you can naturally progress towards a compromise of those emotions, in the same way that you would for two competing desires in your own mind.
When handling working relationships, regular feedback, respect and open discussion is paramount to nurturing the EQ of your team. A big mistake that a manager can make is overlooking small frustrations and conflicts, because they always have the potential to build into bigger problems. When critiquing, always find something that can also be praised and show that you recognise why that person made the decision in the first place.
Applied Strategies to Become More Emotionally Intelligent
The Stoplight Method
The step-by-step method to help you manage a distressing situation.
· 1. Situation: say what the situation is and how it makes you feel
· 2. Options: think about the options for solving the problem
· 3. Consequences: think about the consequences of each option
· 4. Solutions: pick a solution and execute it
Working Memory Enhancement
Neuroscientists use the term ‘working memory’ to denote the capacity of attention to hold in mind certain facts or images to complete a task. Whether it be thinking about all the numbers in your head for mental arithmetic, or weighing up all the pros and cons to decide whether to opt for this career or the other. Emotional upsets can disrupt this capacity, so training it before these upsets occur, can help you prevail.
There are a number of ways of training your working memory. You can simply engage in brain training that requires you to solve problems in your head. Or instead of writing down lists or looking up directions, try to remember these things instead.
Entering a State of Flow
Flow encapsulates emotional intelligence working at its best. It’s that feeling when you are totally absorbed in a task that is optimally challenging, but not too challenging and very enjoyable. When people are in this state they may feel a sense of rapture as they work towards a goal, and become unaware of the time passing. High achievers enter this state often.
You can enter a state of flow by finding something that you really enjoy, and then adding a bit of challenge to it. If you play the piano, don’t keep playing the same songs, pick a song that increases the effort you have to give but you know that you can definitely achieve.
Become an Anthropologist
Anthropology is the study of humans, and the interactions between their biology and their environment. We all engage in anthropology to some extent but there’s no limit to where this can go. Not only can we analyse and learn from the actions and expressions of our own social groups but perhaps even moreso, from social groups and cultures different to our own. The more cultures and perspectives we come to understand, the more we can amalgam this knowledge to improve our capacity for empathy in any given situation.
So do some research online, found out about different cultures, make yourself aware of the injustices and how wars and conflict get started. Travel. Be with those different people and find what connects you and what makes you different. You might end up finding more about who you are as well.